“Everything you want is coming. Relax and let the universe pick the timing and the way.” ~ Abraham Hicks
A wonderful post by my dear blogging friend, Eliza Waters, really brought up my unfinished grief over the loss of 3 of my 4 pets recently, all within a six month period. While a tribute post will be shared once I am able to not sob over their photos and even their names, this post is about allowing ourselves time to grieve. When a loss is suffered, no one can say how long it will take or when we’re ‘over it’. To feel tremendous love is to feel grief deeply. This is a part of life, and a component of healing is giving ourselves permission to feel sad. It’s a lesson I’m certainly learning these days. Even the recent season of joy and light was a rough one for me. Normally I put up the tree and my large ceramic Nativity scene as early as December 1st but this year the tree went up on the 20th and the large Nativity never came out of its box, having two smaller one-piece ones around my home subbing in for it. But these seemingly small events meant a lot to me, and showed me how sad my heart still is.
Since it is my own comment, I am trusting Eliza will be fine with my sharing of it here. This is what I wrote to her this morning:
“Eliza, this post made me cry and that’s perfectly alright! Thank you for helping me with my healing through my grief of losing Nikki in September. Sadly we lost Jade, our Abyssinian tabby in May and our gorgeous long-haired Siamese (Ebony) in November, so a very rough 6 months I’m still reeling from. I began to cry as you shared about Ruby, whose sweet face (and coloring!) looks so like my Nikki-girl, and the loneliness on walks… I am SO glad you found Wren (what a great name!) and I hope to be there someday soon, but my heart is still so broken from losing 3 of 4 four-legged children recently. Yes they age, and some battles cannot be won no matter how advanced veterinary medicine is. Anyways, sorry, long comment here! Really just want to say Thank You… so much. For sharing, for adopting a new ‘fur-kid’, and helping me heal a bit more. Love & Light, Gina”
On the bright side, our 17-year old feisty tabby girl ‘Katie’ who was adopted from the pound 15 years ago, is doing her best to help my family and me still get our ‘cat quota’ in. She mostly sticks close to me, but the other day, while on my lap – again – and my husband within ear shot, I told her that she needs to give ‘dad’ some love too, since he’s below ‘quota’. (Our Siamese ‘Ebony’ practically lived on his shoulder, especially in the last few of her 17 years). So that night as we settled in to watch a program together, what did she do but spend the hour in HIS lap! Whatta good girl! He needs his cat-pats too.
Time passes and the healing comes. Achingly slow at first. Then a morning walk without thinking of Nikki for a while (as Eliza shares as well), then a whole day passes without tearing up about how much quieter our house is. So while this morning’s unexpected crying burst reminded me of how the pain is still there, I know it is lessening. It isn’t constant, but rather in scattered moments. Someday, when we’re ready, my husband and I will be ready to begin visiting rescue shelters to find another 4-legged ‘fur-kid’ that Katie can teach the ropes to. Until then, she’s helping us feel loved (and bossed around a bit too!).
2 square images at the top are from my Pinterest boards without sources being evident.
The incredible drawing of the crying eye is called ‘Don’t cry to night’ by Omar Gordillo Soto [source]
And the touching pawprint in the clouds is from Facebook/RainbowBridgepetloss [source]
“It is said that if we want to be truly powerful we need but command what is happening to happen.
“To deny what is would be like running out on your front lawn in the morning and commanding the sun to reverse direction and set in the east. No matter how strong your wish for this to be so, your chances of succeeding are very slim.
“To try to change other people to suit us or fight against unchangeable situations is debilitating and useless.
“If something cannot be changed, our most powerful position is to go with it and find a blessing that we could not see when we wanted to be in charge.” ~ Alan Cohen, Dare To Be Yourself
I used to happily reside in the physically descriptive category of ‘tall and slim’. Genetics really. But as my mid-life arrived with a more rounded mid-section, I saw my self-esteem fall. Rather than being a tall, slim, ‘wisp’ of a woman, I now had to accept that I’m large. Not really heavy, as I carry it well, but let’s just say I have a terrific build to have been a Viking warrior woman. Or an Amazon.
As I left the tall and slim category and became more of a big woman, I felt my spirit shrinking. I kept noticing I was head and shoulders (and fifty pounds or more) over every one I encountered and I felt a shyness growing I hadn’t experienced before. I even found myself slouching – not uncommon for tall people but something I’d never done.
Then I watched the episode of Maya Angelou talking about her life on an episode of Oprah Presents Master Class. She shared something about herself that touched me deeply as I paused and replayed the section many times. I had not realized how tall she was before. I didn’t know she was six-feet tall! I smiled and thought, Maya’s really tall too? I cheered Yes! I’m tall, just like Maya Angelou!
I felt proud to be as tall as Maya Angelou. To be able to walk like she would walk. Head held tall, face up, bright eyes forward. At last I celebrated being a tall, strong woman bringing light to the world, in my way, and that my large size is definitely a part of that. A joke came to my mind and stayed: Of course I’m large. A small body couldn’t hold this much personality!
I thank her for helping me rediscover that I have the heart and height of an Amazon. I proudly claim the responsibility that comes with having a large personality with a strong energy field housed within my tall ‘warrior woman’ body. I feel it’s important, that it is my responsibility, to remain calm, balanced, and to consistently radiate lovingkindness. I am not wispy like a fine-boned Arabian horse, but rather am more like a strong and steady Gypsy Vanner.
My love, respect and admiration for my role model Maya Angelou helped me to reclaim my self-acceptance, and therefore my power, with regards to being a large, dynamic, loving woman.
What is one of your lessons learned from her, or one of your dearest teachers? I’d love to hear.
Blessings from Gina, glad to be back. Namaste.