That Is Not My Truth

~ On stopping the inner critic ~

I want to offer value in this amazing world of writers, who send me soaring, leave me breathless, laughing, crying, and always learning. Goosebumps along my arms accompanying me as I read incredible wisdom and beauty shared. I can easily spend all the time I had hoped to be writing just reading, in awe. This inspirational material so generously offered lifts me higher and I eagerly grab my own ideas to share along the way. I get excited about writing!

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However the last few days have been different.

I have allowed self-doubt to seep in, so quietly as to be nearly unnoticed. As I take an honest look within to search out what is really going on inside, to find where my words have gone, I notice negative feelings, almost inaudibly whispering. “What do YOU have to offer? You’re just a self-taught writer. These people are ministers and essayists and experienced poets. They know what they’re doing. Oh and that OTHER site? Quit embarrassing yourself. You’re no farmer or solar-panel expert. Give it up.”

Oh… it’s you. Hello, ego.

I understand and accept the description of ego as E-G-O: Edging God Out. That subversive part of ourselves that pretends it’s trying to help and keep us safe. A nearly hidden inner monologue of oppression, allowed to continue because it was going unnoticed. Don’t risk… it whispers. It doesn’t want anything to change, and it definitely doesn’t want there to be growth and learning! That threatens its existence.

Great value comes from noticing when we’re off, when something feels like it’s nagging at our emotions. As Dr. Wayne Dyer has said, if [as studies show] we have over 50,000 thoughts a day, let’s make sure they’re good ones! By being honest with myself and hearing the stream of negative thoughts, flowing along previously unnoticed, I could understand where my low energy and writers block was originating from. By simply observing, not panicking or trying to shove them away immediately, I can choose to calmly sit with these false thoughts for a bit. Just observe, or as my friend Lisa shared on a favorite post, just hold them gently. She reminds us that Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us to treat them as a ‘dear one’.

So after spending some time to feel and hear this diatribe, I firmly respond to this critical part of my inner self: “I hear you. However, that is not my Truth. I share from my heart and that is good enough.” Visualize pressing the stop button. I shall entertain those negative feelings and thoughts no longer.

Armed with this awareness (but not yet finding my lost words) I ventured forth into WP this morning, green tea in hand. Hmm… I wonder what my friends are writing about today? Suddenly articles, songs, poems and quotes were continually being dropped in my lap(top) as I could feel God nudging, “Here you go. Ok and here’s another one. And you need to see this as well.” All beautifully resonating. Supporting me in my recognition of the inner critic/ego trying to shut me down. God was reminding me to let my own light shine.

After enjoying many posts and poems that moved me, I visited my friend Sharon at A Leaf in Springtime, and was delighted to discover she had a new post today! World Peace – a Housewife’s Perspective. I was moved to tears by this powerfully written and important post, and I commented:

Oh Sharon, as I wipe away the tears and humbly attempt to thank you for this incredible wisdom and kindness here, I also want to thank you for helping me feel …. remember… that I do make a difference. Even as a forty-something housewife suffering through a bout of writers block from allowing in the gnawing erosion of doubt. This essay helps my shell of doubt crack open and fall away as I remember that the flicker inside me does contribute. I choose to remember that your (and others’) brilliantly crafted writing does not take away from my own humble works. It builds me up. Inspires and reignites my inner flame to burn brighter, and in the way that only I can. Each of us, uniquely. It takes all of us to shine together, all over the world, remembering the vision and focusing on hope. Bless your beautiful heart Sharon, and know how thankful I am for you. You have helped me immeasurably today, again, and I can hardly find the words to thank you enough. With so much Love, Gina

I cried as I wrote that reply, because the words were at last flowing again! Maybe the tears were washing them out. She inspired me deeply by sharing about what we all can do. Towards my greatest of passions, creating a peaceful co-existence. And, in cherishing her words, I found my own.

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Top image: backinskinnyjeans.com - Bottom image unknown, randomly sourced off the internet long ago.

37 thoughts on “That Is Not My Truth

  1. Gina, You write so beautifully that it’s hard to imagine you doubting what you contribute, but I think we have all been there. I certainly have! I’m such a novice but feel God is with me on this one. Just want to touch and inspire peoples lives and if what I write touches only one it will be enough. Love your ego description! I will remember and refer to that many times. Write On!

    • You are wonderful! Thank you so much for this touching comment, and I hear your cheer and return it as well! Write On! :D I really will get on to writing about happy and funny things now that I’ve stopped that ‘tape’. First just had to move through the lesson as presented. Thanks again dear one!

  2. Thank you for your wonderful post, Gina. You wrote, “I share from my heart and that is good enough.”

    I believe that when writes from their heart it is often far better than merely good enough. It is often inspiring, touching, loving, kind, and wesome. As are you, my friend.

    BTW, I’m eating better since reading your other blog. I thought that the topics of your other blog would mostly bore me–not from your writing style which I enjoy, but from a simple lack of interest in some of the main topics on my part–but truth be told I have been pleasantly surprised at how much I’ve enjoyed and learned from reading it!

    Thank you for both blogs!
    Russ

    • Wow.. these words feel like a big wonderful hug! Thank you so much and right back at you (can you feel the hug?). Yes through sharing this uncomfortable writing block and seeking out the source of it, I definitely felt a strong pull that my writing doesn’t need to be ‘as good as’ anyone else’s and that my own style, from my heart, is all I need to remember.
      And cheering me on about the other blog really touches my heart. As excited as I get about saving energy from stopping drafts I saw how the title “Wonders of Weather-Stripping” didn’t become the instant hit I’d hoped (Man am I ever laughing at myself right now… out loud). Yes I will work on watching the possible boring factor (altho I do hear you saying you are being pleasantly surprised… so kind).
      Thank you again, always, dear friend.
      Gina

  3. Interesting Gina. I too have been wondering about why I am writing and what the point is to continuing. I feel that we are all saying the same thing in one way or another, many better than I do. Then I read this and realized THAT IS THE POINT! That there are so many voices raised in the same cry for peace, understanding, a little help from a friend; and every voice allows the common voice to grow louder and to be heard by more who in turn add their voices. My excuse was that I need to focus on other types of writing, and that is partly true. But I now see that some of it came from the same well of self-doubt and that it is important for each of us to give what we have and add to the bounty of words and heartsong that this wonderful medium has to offer. Thank you again for opening my eyes – but that is one of the reasons we do this, yes?

    • Incredible comment Cathrine! You make my heart sing, that you’ve so eloquently written out my own thoughts. YES we are all saying the same thing, in our own way, from our own hearts. Crying out for ever greater peace and enlightenment. Acceptance. Forgiveness. All of which must begin towards our self. I love when Dr Wayne Dyer said “We can never hear the Sacred Truths too often.” We are like singers in a great glorious choir, lifting our voices ever more harmoniously and loudly. Your wise words here have inspired me, as do my regular visits to enjoy following your blog.
      Blessings and Light, Gina

  4. I drop by your blog because I know I will find something there every single time that will inspire me and encourage me to keep on writing. You may have moments of self-doubt, Gina, but be sure they are only fleeting moments. Then, get back to sharing your love. We (I) need it!!

    • Awww… you darling woman. Yes I may have fleeting moments, but I look at them all (delight and perplexity) as opportunities for introspection and further growth. Then I can write about what I discovered (actually it’s more like remembering :) ) I do feel the same way about your blog dear Jan. I check often and am so excited when there is a new post, eager to see your latest kind and wise insights!

  5. My first visit and I’m already a goner! I’m so glad you came down the rabbit hole and decided to have tea with me and my wonderful friends. You and your amazing voice will be a welcome additional to our cast of tremendously talented and creative characters. What a great day today has been!

    • You too?! This day has been a delight! Meeting you and your blog and all your wonderful characters has been an absolute part of that. I do have more to share so I’m popping over to add to my reply, since there is one thing I forgot to mention… :D (Cheshire grin)

      • oooohhhh…I love that you are another cheshire! Rich is a good one, but he’s awfully quiet! Welcome and welcome again. :)

  6. Gina I’m laying here in bed pecking this out on my phone. Having been crazy busy. I just thought I’d check in. Well dear. You are always so kind about my writing. I have days of block. Days of doubt. Days I’m scared out of my mind to write what I’m thinking. Times, many, when I can’t hit ‘publish’. And times when everything. Everything I read. Is ‘better’ than mine. And then. This sweet soul will wonder over. And say something kind. Often on a piece I thought was mediocre at best. Her name is usually Gina. :) write on. And yes. Your own unique voice. Unlike anyone else’s. That’s what we want to hear. It is perfect just as it is. And dear. I am uneducated too. Or I guess self educated. I’ve worked and had a family rather than pursue further education. Self education. Well. You have no limits. You make your own grade. Your own classes and curriculum. And you get to learn when you want how you want. Way better than formal education. Hugs and kisses. And hopefully you always keep sounding just like you:)

    • Why do the sweet words of my dearest women-friends make me cry lately? And that you are typing on your phone, supposedly on a break… You are an angel. Thank you dear one, and I know that you know, these words are brilliantly soothing to read. To learn that I help you, with my reaching out and sharing my delight in your posts that bubbles up. That means the world! That you are now here sharing such love back to me, again, always… wow. Thank you so much sweet poet. That you are also self-taught amazes me. And that you too feel the ugly grasp of doubt at times, makes me feel connected with you as a kindred writer, just sharing our feelings and writing from the heart. I am in excellent company! Love and hugs to you! xox

  7. Wow! thanks for writing and not listening to your ego! We all listen to it too often and end up refraining from doing things. I absolutely loved this post, it came to me when I needed it the most :).

  8. My dearest Gina,
    When I think of you I see you with a heart aflame with love and compassion for the world. Hold on to that flaming torch and run. Run with the wind in your hair. Run with all your strength and might. Run with your eyes fixed on the goal. Run like the mighty horses that no one can stumble or stop. Because, you have been given such a precious gift of a tender heart. A beautiful heart big enough to embrace all. Vulnerabilities and weaknesses make every deed, every word, every thought and every person we reach out to an act of sacred sacrifice.

    You are a precious gift to many. You are a precious gift to me.
    Many hugs to a wonderfully talented, beautifully tender and loving soul.
    Sharon

    • Sweet Sharon, your words amaze me! I absolutely LOVE this imagery of running with a torch of love, like a strong horse. That is so me. And knowing that I can be strong specifically because of my tender heart, not in spite of it. Being tender doesn’t mean frail (I am reminding myself). There is such wonder and beauty and mystery in our world… we are all more connected than we can comprehend. Friendships forming all around the world, hearts truly connecting, singing out the same thing yet always through the glorious note that only we ourselves can make. An important chord that you helped strike deeply in me, helping me to sing out, adding my note to our choir.
      I want to repeat what you wrote so beautifully, that you are a gift in our world, in my world. I thank you from the depths of my heart for your incredible words here, and for sharing that flame within you so eloquently and wisely with us all. You are always a source of light.
      Much love and warm thankful embraces!
      Gina

  9. I needed to read this – this morning, Gina. The winds are up today, the fire crossed the river last night and I wanted to post something positive! I’m still going to do that, but I wanted to read before I wrote and here is my inspiration! Thank you. I also want you to know that in following your wonderful blog(s), I have set it up where I get immediate notification when you post. If I don’t have time to read, I save them in my email box until I do. They stay there until I have the time to read every one, then I delete (the notification)! They’re precious reminders for me and always gifts. Thank you! Cathy

    • Oh Cathy, I was praying the winds would calm but of course huge fires practically generate their own winds. Oh the challenge to write something positive as you always do… I can imagine, but I know you will write what is needed to come out. Your truth. If the thoughts in this post here can help you, I am honored beyond description. You kind words here uplift my heart, dear friend.
      You are in my prayers. May you and yours remain safe. May your home and grounds remain safe. May the fire cease and all remain safe.
      Blessings and much love to you, Gina

  10. Many years ago I used to do Personal Motivation seminars for small businesspeople. Mr. & Mrs. Ego quite often were the bad couple in the room, and they were everywhere. I came up with the acronym PLYEGOAH. It stands for “Please Leave Your EGO At Home.” Small business owners are notorious for believing they are the most intelligent people in the world. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t have their own businesses! Of course, usually they had the technical know-how but needed help with marketing, accounting, customer service, etc.

  11. Gina, Gina, Gina!!! I reblogged this a year ago, and only today am I reading it with a different mindset, understanding it more fully, looking it from a different perspective. “Visualize pressing the stop button” : WOW! I have no words, only much gratitude and love towards you and your blessed blog.

    • It’s absolutely delightful to hear from you my friend! I love that you’re back to this older post you enjoyed and reblogged a while back. Thank you again :). Let’s stay in touch. You are a bright shining star in the world and you brighten my day with your visit! Hugs, Gina

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