Constantly Growing Up

What a morning I’ve had! It’s barely noon and I’ve had bouts of sobbing and heartbreak and serious contemplations about closing my blogs and giving up this bizarre and vulnerable endeavor (ah, my sensitive inner-child, I hear and comfort you).

After taking some time and calming down, I sat down to write about heartbreak and continually ‘growing up’ and a bizarre little poem of sorts insisted on being written out. Discombobulated feelings and the flow of unstructured words are truly wonderful bedfellows! Hence my previous post about Pondering Tears.

Now I return to do what I do ~ contemplations of life and learning and growing. How do miscommunications occur and why? Do I set myself up for self-sabotage? What does it all mean? What can I learn from this?

As I often do at times like these, I turn to the amazingly inspirational words found in the Bible. Right now I am remembering the Lord’s Prayer, especially “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” [Matthew 6:12]  And from a favorite gospel of Luke, today I recall “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” [Luke 6:37]

It is towards myself I am pondering forgiveness today. I have been indulging in some fierce self-berating for making a mistake, for falling down, for failing to remain honest to my highest and truest path of Love. Sigh. If I cannot forgive myself for falling down and making a mistake, how can I truly forgive others, since we are all reflections of each other? If I choose to see you as God sees you, as a perfectly imperfect and always beloved Child of a loving Universe, then I must also turn my eyes towards my own self with those same incredibly accepting and all-loving eyes. We are all students and this wonderful Earth is our classroom. I now choose to kindly pick myself up and brush myself off. Wipe off the tears and give myself a break. After all I know God loves me. So who am I to be hard on and berate this beloved Child of God?

My morning prayers fluctuate due to my celebration of variety and an abundance of beautiful prayers to recite. For quite a while I used to recite aloud the Prayer of St. Francis. Sometimes even while driving to bring me back to gentleness and calm. One note is that as an avid reader of Dr. Wayne Dyer, I enjoy his suggestion of adding the lower-case (little) ‘self’ to the concluding statement of “And it is in dying to self that we are born to Eternal Life”. I have not been saying it aloud lately and today I shall return to using these wise words by Saint Francis of Assisi to begin my mornings with a deep sense of being a beloved Child of God and doing all I can to share the love overflowing from my heart out into the world.

24 thoughts on “Constantly Growing Up

  1. I’m really glad you aren’t going to close your blog. Thank you for pushing through the discomfort of forgiving yourself and teaching us again what it means to walk in love.

  2. You’re right, this is our earthly classroom. We fall down. We get up. We fall down. We get up. You got this. – - You’re very inspirational and I always look forward to your blogs. :) Love & Light.

  3. I am so glad that you are not closing your blog! Many, many ((hugs)).
    Sometimes things happen for a reason – and sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. Misunderstandings happen and mis-communications happen and sometimes it is not our fault – technology can be a tricky mistress!! I think you are being too hard on yourself ((hugs))
    Alex xxx

    • Oh Alex you are such a darling and wise woman. Thank you for this sweetness shared. I agree! Technology is tricky and cyber-space black-holes happen and besides that, mis-communications happen too! Thank you for your words of support :) Hugs and tea and flowers sent your way. And cake! xo

      • Putting the kettle on for our cyber tea party!
        Yes technology is mischievous and full of gremlins. It has often been the undoing of me – now there’s a poem for the writing.

        When I was a teenager I started my first job, they told me to play with the computer to get used to it – they said not to worry that I couldn’t break it….

        Well – I didn’t break it, but somehow I managed to set of a statement run of 1000 letters that they couldn’t stop :(
        The boss was not impressed and I was very red faced!!!
        xxxx

        • Oh how you have made me laugh out LOUD! As Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote of, all the climates of feelings we can go through in one day! You are a dear, to share such a funny example of the gremlins in cyber-space and technology that occasionally mystify us all! ((Warm Hugs)) :D

  4. Thank you so much for sharing such an honest post surrounding self criticism and forgiveness of self…every experience brings forth the opportunity for a lesson. Today lets celebrate our inner child, too often we scold her for milk that has already been spilled instead of telling her it’s okay, while helping to clean up the mess. I am now being reminded to laugh with my inner child today, thank you.

    • How beautiful your comment is. Thank you. Yes let’s clean up the mess beside our inner child while reassuring her it’s all okay. Easy to clean up once we begin. Let’s enjoy laughter like children filled with innocence and love. With deep gratitude, Gina

  5. I am more than glad to hear how ya fought those feelings and decided to continue your blog. It is always a treat to red your posts, I didn’t want to miss the treat any day!
    Love,
    -Naima.

    • Your words are kind and appreciated! Thank you dear heart, for cheering me on. I feel your post today of “Puzzle and Life – Experience and You!” was excellent! It deserves a re-read for sure. Thank you for always sharing your comments :)
      ~Love,
      Gina

      • Thank you so much Gina, it is always great to read your posts, I don’t want to lose on such a good blog so I am more than glad for how ya re-framed your mind :)
        Blessings and love to you too.
        -Naima.

  6. Glad you are not… I have just discovered you and I have been enjoying your blog. :)
    I hope you are feeling at least a little bit better after sharing. :) Sending a hug and many blessings your way.
    ~J.Míchel

    • Thank you for your kindness, and yes I do feel better. Really that was just my inner child being reactive and hurt, but I would not allow such a rash decision :) You are a dear reader and I am not going anywhere. Plus I adore your blog too much to stop reading it as well :) Love, Gina

  7. Constantly growing up…I like the ring of that. Sometimes the inner child needs to be soothed. Sounds like you’re feeling better, but I’m sending you a virtual hug on a Sunday morning. Love, Cathy

    • Hug received with love and returned as well! Yes it is another blustery grey day in my part of the world yet is such a better day than yesterday as I remember that I’m ‘constantly growing up’. Happy Sunday to you, with much love, Gina

  8. We always find it hardest to forgive ourselves. Condemnation is not of God but the enemy of our souls. Amazing how one minute we can think we have screwed up so badly but thank God for His spirit and time which helps us to see things more clearly. Guess the lesson is hang in there. So glad you are, as you impart much wisdom and beauty to those who visit your site!

    • What a lovely comment, thank you. That is so well put ‘Condemnation is not of God’ and I am also reminded that essentially at the most basic, three words, God Is Love. What is not love is not God. In remembering this I return to peace. Knowing I am comforted, always. Like your recent post’s verse choice of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 reminds us. Warmest gratitude to you for the visit and the comment.

  9. Pingback: On memorizing poetry « Professions for PEACE

  10. Dearest Gina,
    I am one of the many who is so glad that you go on writing and sharing… I cannot imagine that you did any serious mistake at all with all the love you are spreading around – it must have been a very minor one – but gentle souls will even feel a small mistake as a big one, because they will feel very cautious about never want to hurt anyone.
    We all have our mistake-times and this is actually what makes life sweet and fun. Many times it happened to me that later on I was sitting with others, telling them about such situations, and then laughing loudest of all, mostly about myself, and enjoying pulling my own legs :-)

    Here is one of my favorite daily prayers:

    May I this day, be what You’d have me be
    May I this day, say what You’d have me say
    May I this day, be part and parcel of the whole
    And may my thoughts be of a realised soul
    May I this day, have Love for all mankind
    Please, God, be in my heart and in my mind

    The world needs many more loving souls like you to start expressing themselves and comfort so many others with their inner light!

    with much love
    Angi

    • Oh dear Angi! This has brought sunshine into my heart and sweet tears to my eyes. Such wisdom and kindness here! I thank you from the depths of my heart that you took the time to find this previous post and share such a heartfelt and thoughtful comment. And that prayer is wonderful! The very words are soothing and they bring the love and light of God to the forefront. I shall use your wonderful words to pray with as well. You are a shining light in the world Angi, and you mean so much to me, and to so many.
      Love and Light.
      Blessings,
      Gina

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